# Higher Math Jokes

### (For Young men and women over 15)

## Can you math these?

What the acorn said when he grew up

M
bisects

A dead parrot

P
center

What you should do when it rains

S
hypotenuse

A guy who has been to the beach

G
coincide

The set of cards is missing

E
polygon

The boy has a speech defect

V
secant

How they schedule gym class

H
tangent

What he did when his mom-in-law wanted to go home

K
ellipse

The tall kettle boiling on the stove

B
geometry

Why the girl doesn't run a 4 -minute mile

J
decagon

[Hint: Sort the answer rows alphabetically.]

## de horse and de cart

There was once a very smart horse. Anything that was shown it, it mastered easily, until one day, its teachers tried to teach it about rectangular coordinates and it couldn't understand them. All the horse's acquaintances and friends tried to figure out what was the matter and couldn't. Then a new guy (what the heck, a computer engineer) looked at the problem and said, "Of course he can't do it. Why, you're putting Descartes before the horse!"

The guy gets on a bus and starts threatening everybody : "I'll integrate
you! I'll differentiate you!!!"

So everybody gets scared and run away. Only one person stays. The guy comes up
to him and says: "Aren't you scared, I'll integrate you! I'll differentiate
you!!!"

And the other guy says; "No, I am not scared, I am e^{x}"

## B-Complex Capsules

Q : Why did the mathematician name his dog "Cauchy"?

A : Because he left a residue on every pole.

A group of Polish tourists is flying on a small airplane through the Grand
Canyon on a sightseeing tour. The tour guide announces: "On the right of the
airplane, you can see the famous Bright Angle Falls." The tourists leap out of
their seats and crowd to the windows on the right side. This causes a dynamic
imbalance, and the plane violently rolls to the side and crashes into the canyon
wall. All aboard are lost. The moral to this episode is:

Always keep your poles off the right side of the plane.

Q : What's the contour integral around Western Europe?

A : Zero, because all the poles are in Eastern Europe!

Addendum : Actually, there ARE some Poles are in Western Europe, but they are
removable!

## Son, know your limits!

The limit as n goes to infinity of sin(x)/n is 6.

Proof : Cancel the n in the numerator and denominator.

1 +1 = 3, for larger values of 1

lim

8--> 9 Sqrt(8) = 3